Since I have moved back to the deli at my job, I work with a lot more guys. This means I hear their kind of talk on a constant basis--especially about other girls. And what do guys talk about most when it come to the opposite sex? Physical appearance.
It's a pretty well-known fact of life that men are usually much more driven by physical aspects than women are. They notice instantly whether a woman is attractive or not, whereas a woman might have to think for a minute to determine what level of attractiveness she finds a man (or at least, I do).
The three main levels of attractiveness (from my fellow male co-workers' viewpoints) are: pretty, hot, & gorgeous. Do you see something missing here?
Before I tell you, let's explore each category.
Pretty- "pleasing or attractive to the eye"
I think most girls find themselves to be pretty. After all, they have to look at their face every day in the mirror, so their eyes have grown accustomed to their looks. To be called pretty by a guy is a nice compliment, but it's not anything special. It's just reaffirming how a girl thinks she looks (which, don't get me wrong, is important. Words of affirmation are always important).
Hot- "attended with or producing such a sensation"
Now I don't know about you, but when I read that, I think of a sexual connotation. I stopped using the word "hot" in high school because I realized it was such a fake way to describe the attractiveness of someone. I am not describing their looks, my hormones are. Seriously. How many times have you heard "Oh man, that girl is so hot! I wanna make out with her!" compared to "I want to have intellectual conversation with her." It just doesn't exist. Using the word "hot" is treating someone as an object, not a person. You're completely overcome by your hormones, and nothing else.
Gorgeous- "splendid or sumptuous in appearance; magnificent; dazzling"
Let's be honest. How many girls think they are gorgeous? Probably 0.5%. Every girl is insecure about some physical aspect she possesses. So, if a guy calls her gorgeous right off the bat, she most likely isn't going to buy it (unless she is really insecure about herself...or stupid). When a guy calls me gorgeous, I think to myself "He wants something. I'm not gorgeous. A jewel-incrusted dress is gorgeous, but not me."
So have you figured out what word is missing from mens' vocabularies these days? Beautiful.
Beautiful- "wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying
It's every girl's desire to be told she is beautiful. In my opinion, "beautiful" is the most sincere expression a man can use to describe a woman's appearance. And the wonderful thing about beautiful is that it encompasses more than just physical appearance, for it also means "having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to hear, see, think about, etc."
Beautiful captures what is both inside and outside of a person. And remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so if a man truly finds a woman beautiful, it means he has processed all the information he has about that woman to come to the conclusion that he "beholds" her as beautiful.
Now, I don't really know what the point of this post is, so I'm sorry if you read it and were disappointed. But what I guess I'm trying to say is, let's get rid of the phony words used to describe someone's physical appearance, and lets start using words that are more in line with what women really are--beautiful daughters of God.
Here's the real story.
ReplyDeleteThose words are not the only way men think of women, it's just what is convenient. We use simple words to define complex emotions because trying to define complex emotions is difficult. Language was invented long after emotions, and no language, regardless of syntax or prose, can adequately describe a man's instantaneous reaction to seeing someone beautiful. But I'll try anyways...
Life becomes colorful. As if walking through a painting. Time slows to a crawl and then stops entirely, and for one moment she is your whole world. Every move she makes transforms the scene into something even more wonderful. For a split second, we become enamored with everything you are.
How are we supposed to define feelings so transcendent? Society teaches us that clarity is far superior to exactness when it comes to language. It's more important to say things that are understood rather than things that precisely define your own feelings.
Underdeveloped language doesn't signify unsophisticated thoughts, it signifies underdeveloped language. Confusing one for the other is a mistake that will always prove costly.
Trust me, when a man see's something beautiful, or pretty, or hot, or gorgeous-his whole world changes for a fraction of a second. Yet that minuscule moment in time is so powerful that we seek it our whole lives.
Every story ever written, every poem jotted down, every song sung or tale told comes from a desire to experience that moment of transcendent beauty. Luckily, men have developed the ability to see that all the time in their better-halves.
Our language may not be up to your liking, and for that we apologize, but our feelings are real, and powerful, and far more complex than language allows.
This sounds like an Us Meets World post :)
ReplyDeleteI've actually heard a slightly different view from guys: Pretty and Hot were about as you described, but next was beautiful and gorgeous is at the very top. Yeah.... I don;t really have much more to say on that, but I like the post!