These last few weeks have been full of Jonah days. What are Jonah days you may ask? Well, I'm not exactly sure, but I got the phrase from the movie Anne of Avonlea. Anne describes the day as a "Jonah day" when she discovers Gilbert is dying. I've interpreted a Jonah day to mean a day where nothing goes right. Now, don't get me wrong. There are positive things that occur in each of my days. However, at the end of a majority of them, I am left with the overwhelming feeling of discouragement. In fact, the song "Rain" by Mika has been my theme song for many of those days. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sknDfB3pJB8
Sometimes I get angry. Sometimes I shut people out. And sometimes I lose all motivation, go to Costa Vida, buy myself a $7.00 meal, splurge on a package of Oreo cookies at the store, and indulge in an hour of Tetris to momentarily distract myself. However, those things are all simply distractions. They don't solve the real problem and they really just create more problems for me because I have less money and time.
At times like these, I have learned to turn to the Lord. Now, I admit, sometimes (most of the time) I am very prideful and try to plow through it as best I can. But I always fail. It's not until I turn to Him that I begin to learn how to cope again. One of the most soothing things to my soul is this message from President Dieter F. Uchtdorf:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UbsU3b2srQA&feature=BF&list=PL4E784EC0770935C0&index=28
I feel God's love for me. I know he is testing my faith and patience right now. However, he has placed wonderful people in my life to help me. My parents are the greatest strength to me besides my Father in Heaven and Savior. They would do anything for me, and they are constantly giving me encouragement through my struggles. I can also see God's love for me through the discernment of my bishop. I know he is a mouthpiece for God and he, too, has offered me many encouraging words.
God's love for me is prevalent through the simple things that occur everyday. At times I am stressed that I won't get an assignment completed, but I always pull through. Or, I'm nervous I won't make it through my speech, but I come out of it way better than I'd ever hoped for. God is mindful of me. He knows my needs. And he knows the trials I need in order to become a stronger and better person. For that I am grateful.
So, if you're wondering why I'm not saying anything about the activities/events that have occurred in my life over the past few weeks, it's because I'm "having a hard time"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wz41YxNiHEg&feature=BF&list=PL4E784EC0770935C0&index=62
and I don't know what to say...
I'm struggling to "Come what may, and love it"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVNYhcYEwIE&feature=BF&list=PL4E784EC0770935C0&index=40
I'm not perfect. In fact, I'm far from responding in this manner. But I try. I love what he says about compensation. That has been one of the greatest strengths and has helped to give me the faith I need.
I'm grateful for the Lord. I'm grateful for the love he has for me and the many blessings I've been given. And I'm grateful for the Atonement of my Savior Jesus Christ. I know it is through Him that all things are possible. With this knowledge in mind, I can and will endure.
