I suppose it's about time I return to the blogging world. I've thought about posting about my wedding/honeymoon, but I don't think anyone really cares expect for Jonathon and me, so I won't bother with it.
This is a topic that's been on my mind for quite some time. If it offends you, I'm sorry. That's life.
I think a majority of people have this compulsive need to please everybody, or at least be on good terms with the people they come in contact with in their lives. I used to be in denial about this, and I thought I couldn't care less about what people thought of me. And then I got married.
You see, in high school I went through a string of "best friends." From my sophomore year on, I had a group of friends, but no one who I really felt connected to, or who I thought really cared about me. I tried to please my group of friends, but I wasn't about to change who I was in order to conform to their tastes on how a "best friend" should act. For those who know me, I tell it to you straight up, exactly how I see it. I don't "fluff" you up unless I think you really deserve it. I'm not FAKE. And I think that rubbed some people the wrong way.
I always thought something was wrong with me because no one seemed to genuinely like me, or treat me in the way that I thought friends should like and treat each other. I'm not going to go into all the details, because then this will seem to turn into a bitter tangent...which it's not :)
Then this beautiful thing happened. I went to college. I made true friends, the friends I dreamed of having my entire life. I couldn't be happier! Suddenly, I didn't feel alone anymore. I pretty much dropped those high school friends like a ton of bricks, but I still went to most of the activities they invited me to.
Fast forward a few years. I've been graduated from college for almost 2 years. I get married. EVERY SINGLE college friend I invited to my wedding came to my reception (except for the ones that physically couldn't due to missions/living in other states/etc, and even friends in different states came.) Yet not one of my high school group of friends came.
That's ok. I'm fine if they couldn't make it or whatever. But not even one of them wished me congratulations or showed me support in the least bit. I'd be lying if I said that didn't upset me at all. I expected some not to show up or care, but others I thought we still had a thread of friendship left.
As a side note, I did have one high school friend not in that group of people who, even though we haven't spoken in 4 years (because she got married and our lives diverged), came to my bridal shower AND reception. Shout out to Whitney for her awesomeness :)
So you are probably wondering, Kandace, what is the point of this tangent? Don't worry, I am getting there.
About a month after I got married, I got a phone call asking if I would be home for the weekend and inviting me to play ultimate frisbee with that group of people from high school.
Oh, I see. You only want to be friends with me when it's convenient for you. You can't come to my wedding or to any events I invite you to, but when you want numbers for caroling or games, you call me up. Yeah, that's cool.
So, after that phone call and many frustration vents to my husband, all that guilt I'd been having over the years at trying to be friends with these people but not really succeeding dissipated. I finally realized, I DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU! Yes, I need to treat you with courtesy, respect, and kindness, but we don't have to be friends. I don't have to go to anymore activities. I don't have to feel obligated to make a special effort. Because you know what? True friends reciprocate. And that's how it should be.
I also got thinking about this at work. I absolutely LOVE all the girls I work with. But for one reason or another, we just don't click the same way I do with Allison or Cherise or Whitney or Krista or whoever. And that's ok! I don't have to be BFF's with everybody. And neither do you.
Christ teaches us to love everyone and treat them accordingly. But it's ok to cut some people off when they abuse a relationship or are unhealthy for you. Friendship is a two-way street and requires effort on both parts, not just when it's convenient.
Finally, I feel free :)
Wish I'd realized this a few years ago.
