The Witty Wheelwrights: We Really Should Start Bolting Our Doors...

...but then we'd have no friends!

Ah, the dilemma of dating. It is a perplexing matter that has left the older generations scratching their heads for quite some time. We, as Latter-day Saints have received countless advice, lectures, etc. on the differences between dating and "hanging-out." You'd think with us constantly getting this pounded into our head, things would start to change, right? Well...it's not changing. So, what's going wrong?

Personally, I think men are very slow to change. They're stubborn. They think "He's not talking to me" and then they zone the speaker out. However, women are also at fault. They feed men's poor behavior. And they decide their career is more important at the moment than a husband they have to clean up after.

But when it all comes down to it, everyone is just plain picky!

I am one of those people :)

What has gotten me on this tangent in the first place, you may ask? Have I had some recent horrible experiences with dating? Am I seething in my soul towards a certain young man who is not taking any action?

No.

For my religion class, I have to pick 6 topics to research, and for one of them, I picked dating. I've found some quite interesting stuff I would now like to share.

For Men:

If you have returned from your mission and you are still following the boy-girl patterns you were counseled to follow when you were 15, it is time for you to grow up. Gather your courage and look for someone to pair off with. Start with a variety of dates with a variety of young women, and when that phase yields a good prospect, proceed to courtship. It’s marriage time. That is what the Lord intends for His young adult sons and daughters. Men have the initiative, and you men should get on with it. If you don’t know what a date is, perhaps this definition will help. I heard it from my 18-year-old granddaughter. A “date” must pass the test of three p’s: (1) planned ahead, (2) paid for, and (3) paired off.

-Elder Dallin H. Oaks

For Women:

Don't make it easy for young men to hang out in a setting where you women provide the food. Don't subsidize freeloaders. An occasional group activity is OK, but when you see men who make hanging out their primary interaction with the opposite sex, I think you should lock the pantry and bolt the front door.

If you do this, you should also hang up a sign, "Will open for dates," or something like that.

-Elder Dallin H. Oaks

For couples (or John Bundy?!):

Building a strong premarital friendship requires spending sufficient time with each other and finding opportunities for interaction. I know of couples who spent almost their entire engagement separated because of work or school. Similarly, some couples count a partner’s years on a mission as courtship time. Although time apart can provide valuable perspective, long-distance romances can’t replace face-to-face interaction even if a couple spends a fortune on postage. Relationships and individuals change too quickly and too subtly to be monitored and influenced from afar.

Sometimes either one partner or both partners in a dating relationship begin to feel urgency to rush toward marriage before they know anything about each other. A feeling of urgency early in a relationship can sometimes be a red flag.

It does not necessarily mean that your partner is the wrong person, but it does signal a need to stand back and perhaps investigate other alternatives. We must not be in a hurry, acting on impulse and emotion alone.

Courtship requires effort and creativity. Too often our modern world suggests expensive and elaborate dating activities. But depth and meaning emerge in a relationship only when two people converse, exploring each other’s feelings and aspirations and sharing concerns and perspectives. This kind of growth best occurs during simple, wholesome activities.

-Elder Jonn D. Claybaugh

Rumors on Dating:

I should like to dispel one rumor that is very hard to put to rest. I know of no mission president in all the world who has ever told a missionary that he had the responsibility to marry within six months after his mission.