School's been out for a couple of months now, and the adjustment has been interesting, to say the least. I went from diligently being productive 12+ hours a day to having practically zero demands on my daily to-do list and being incredibly lazy. For the first month it was wonderful. But over the past few weeks, I've gotten slightly back to work and have been slowly working on my thesis. All of the preliminary research is almost complete and then I can start working on my prospectus--a plan of my thesis project (which includes an extensive description, annotated bibliography, and reading list) that must be approved by my thesis committee in order to receive funding for next Winter. I have a pretty good idea of what I'm going to write, so I'm not too worried about it and I hope to have the bulk of it done before we head to England. Then when we get back, I can start writing my thesis.
However, this post isn't about me and my life. It's about YOU. Ok, not really. But it is about two pet peeves of mine that have developed and ripened over the course of the past two months, due in part to the idleness of my mind and the lack of more important matters.
The first concerns our trip to England. I am super ecstatic about this trip, and when I tell other people about the trip, they are super excited about the trip too. But then they proceed to tell me how to plan my trip. "You should go to Scotland, it's just right there!" "You should take a day trip to Paris and snap a picture of the Eiffel Tower." "You have to go to..." Now, let's get two things straight: 1) I started planning England over a year ago. I have always dreamed of going to England, and suffice it to say that when I finish going on one vacation, I start planning the next. Soon after Jonathon and I got home from Hawaii, I started planning England. 2) I am getting my Master's in English emphasizing in British Literature. Ever heard of Shakespeare, Jane Austen, the Brontë sisters? Well, I have heard all about their lives, homes, travels, etc. from all my professors, and I have also learned that visiting those places brings greater understanding to the works we study.
Now, planning a vacation is no easy feat, but planning a trip almost two weeks long in a foreign country is especially a lot of work. Before we ever bought the plane tickets, I figured out all the places we wanted to see and calculated how much time we'd need for each attraction and city. I planned a rough itinerary determining the time and cost of everything way before the dates were finalized. So, the advice to go see and do different things I find just slightly annoying. Scotland is relatively close to England, but it still is a 7 hour drive from London to Edinburgh. That means it takes practically a whole day to travel to Scotland and a whole day to get back. Being the poor college students that we are, we don't have the time or the means to travel to a different country just because it's "relatively"close. It's really not right there. Believe me, we've already thought about all our options. And spending $300 on a 4 hour round-trip train ride (2 hours each way) to Paris just so we can take a picture of the Eiffel Tower really quick before we have to go back to London is completely ridiculous! If we're going to go to Paris, we're going to do it right by immersing ourselves in the Parisian culture, exploring the Louvre, visiting the Notre Dame, and seeing the other sights. We're not going to take a cheap shot of Paris just to say we've been there.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is we're adults, and other people who plan trips are adults too. Adults know where they want to go and what they want to do when they are on vacation. They know their budget and their interests. I ask you, please don't offer your advice unless it is asked for, because if it's not, people don't want it. Believe me. These kinds of decisions are not made lightly.
The second pet peeve of mine comes from the world of Facebooking. Since I've had so much time on my hands, I've read a lot more posts. And what I've noticed is quite a few people who complain ALL THE FREAKING TIME. You know what? No one cares! I know that may be harsh to say, but the fact of the matter is, we all have things we are struggling with.
I understand there are times when we are really frustrated or sad or upset, and posting on Facebook helps to alleviate the stress. But when that's most or all of what I see from you, it starts to get incredibly annoying. People don't like negative people (which makes this post ironic, because it isn't exactly a cup of tea). So every time I see a negative post from you, my respect for you goes down. My desire to be around you lessens. And I don't like that because I like being friends with everybody! But you have to realize that your posts don't just affect you. They affect other people too.
I am much more sympathetic to the person who's experiencing something life-altering, like a divorce, than the person who's frustrated with a college course or their baby throwing up three times in one day. Most of the complaining posts I see on Facebook are a result of that person's choices. If your course load is too heavy, suck it up and deal with it. If your husband is gone for two weeks, call your mom/sisters and get over it. Stop dragging others down because you made a bad decision or you're having a moment of feeling sorry for yourself. Instead of being so negative, be positive! Believe me, you're not the only one with trials, disappointment, discouragements, heartbreaks, and stresses. I've experienced my fair share of those over the last couple of months as well, but I'm not going to air it all over Facebook, because it doesn't do anybody else any good. Instead of focusing only on yourself, focus on others and being a light for them. You never know who's day you'll make better because you said something uplifting. And I also will want to be around you and follow your posts instead of avoiding and blocking you. Cause let's be real, my approval is what really counts ;)
You can take or leave what I've said concerning these points, but hopefully you can see where I'm coming from and be more mindful of what you say to other people (via Facebook or face-to-face).
Tuesday, June 24, 2014
Monday, February 17, 2014
Wicked Adventure!
Yes, that's right. Jonathon and I just bought tickets to see the Broadway musical Wicked in London!!
Say, what?
Here's the low down. Jonathon and I were planning a trip to England next summer...after I graduated with my Master's as a way for Jonathon to say "Good job Kandace! You're so amazing! I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have married such an intelligent, beautiful, incredible, etc. etc. person. Let's go to England to celebrate!"
But life never goes as planned, does it?
As graduate students, we are all encouraged to apply to present 8-10 page papers we wrote (or will write) to academic conferences to share our research with the academic world and get feedback from other scholars in the field. The English department even gives a pretty good-sized stipend to help with the costs. (When I say pretty-good sized, I mean you can go to any conference in the U.S. besides Alaska and Hawaii and have your whole travel, hotel, food, etc. paid for. Unfortunately, however, the stipend doesn't even cover 1/2 the flight to England.)
Well, at the beginning of the year, I applied to a conference in Montreal. I later found out that it was a graduate conference, which meant that not a lot of academics were going to be there. It was mostly going to be graduate students from Montreal, and let's be honest. They don't know much more than I do about the field! So I had already planned on declining their offer if I got accepted, and at the beginning of February I started looking for other more professional conferences to apply for.
I came across a conference called "Reassessing Women's Writing of the 1840's and 1850's." Looking closer, the conference said from "Bronte to Bloomsbury." Well, I just wrote a paper last semester on Anne Bronte's The Tenant of Wildfell Hall...published in 1848. Perfect!
Now I had to see where the conference was taking place, because I wasn't going to go to some boring place like Backwoods, Tennessee, to present a paper. It needed to be someplace cool. The location: Cantebury, UK... England. Awesome! I was sold.
So then I looked at who was hosting it. It was legitimate, hosted by the International Centre for Victorian Women Writers. Sweet! Finally, I checked the deadline to see if I'd missed it. Well, turns out they had just extended the deadline and I had one more day to apply. Blessed serendipity! I wrote my little abstract and biography and sent if off, excited but not expecting to get accepted.
A couple days later, I got my rejection email from the graduate conference in Montreal. I was relieved I didn't have to write that awkward "Just kidding, I'm not coming" email. And then, a little over a week ago, I got the acceptance email to the conference in England. I could hardly believe it! A measly graduate conference didn't want me, but a legit, professional conference accepted ME. A little podunk graduate student all the way from BYU in good ol' Provo, Utah. I was shocked. And ecstatic!
Needless to say, Jonathon and I thought long and hard about our options and we decided it would be most beneficial to move our trip up to this summer. After many trips to BYU's travel office and much stress watching the airline tickets rise each day, we finally purchased our tickets.
It may cost us an arm and a leg, but hey. You don't get to go to England everyday. So the conference is 2 days, but we will be gone 12 days traveling the country. I'm so excited! And, I get to see Wicked in London...the other Broadway capital of the world!
Life is good :)
P.S. We will be accepting donations to fund our trip ;)
Say, what?
Here's the low down. Jonathon and I were planning a trip to England next summer...after I graduated with my Master's as a way for Jonathon to say "Good job Kandace! You're so amazing! I'm the luckiest guy in the world to have married such an intelligent, beautiful, incredible, etc. etc. person. Let's go to England to celebrate!"
But life never goes as planned, does it?
As graduate students, we are all encouraged to apply to present 8-10 page papers we wrote (or will write) to academic conferences to share our research with the academic world and get feedback from other scholars in the field. The English department even gives a pretty good-sized stipend to help with the costs. (When I say pretty-good sized, I mean you can go to any conference in the U.S. besides Alaska and Hawaii and have your whole travel, hotel, food, etc. paid for. Unfortunately, however, the stipend doesn't even cover 1/2 the flight to England.)
Well, at the beginning of the year, I applied to a conference in Montreal. I later found out that it was a graduate conference, which meant that not a lot of academics were going to be there. It was mostly going to be graduate students from Montreal, and let's be honest. They don't know much more than I do about the field! So I had already planned on declining their offer if I got accepted, and at the beginning of February I started looking for other more professional conferences to apply for.
I came across a conference called "Reassessing Women's Writing of the 1840's and 1850's." Looking closer, the conference said from "Bronte to Bloomsbury." Well, I just wrote a paper last semester on Anne Bronte's The Tenant of Wildfell Hall...published in 1848. Perfect!
Now I had to see where the conference was taking place, because I wasn't going to go to some boring place like Backwoods, Tennessee, to present a paper. It needed to be someplace cool. The location: Cantebury, UK... England. Awesome! I was sold.
So then I looked at who was hosting it. It was legitimate, hosted by the International Centre for Victorian Women Writers. Sweet! Finally, I checked the deadline to see if I'd missed it. Well, turns out they had just extended the deadline and I had one more day to apply. Blessed serendipity! I wrote my little abstract and biography and sent if off, excited but not expecting to get accepted.
A couple days later, I got my rejection email from the graduate conference in Montreal. I was relieved I didn't have to write that awkward "Just kidding, I'm not coming" email. And then, a little over a week ago, I got the acceptance email to the conference in England. I could hardly believe it! A measly graduate conference didn't want me, but a legit, professional conference accepted ME. A little podunk graduate student all the way from BYU in good ol' Provo, Utah. I was shocked. And ecstatic!
Needless to say, Jonathon and I thought long and hard about our options and we decided it would be most beneficial to move our trip up to this summer. After many trips to BYU's travel office and much stress watching the airline tickets rise each day, we finally purchased our tickets.
It may cost us an arm and a leg, but hey. You don't get to go to England everyday. So the conference is 2 days, but we will be gone 12 days traveling the country. I'm so excited! And, I get to see Wicked in London...the other Broadway capital of the world!
Life is good :)
P.S. We will be accepting donations to fund our trip ;)
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Updates!
Wow, it has really been forever since I last wrote. This just goes to show how busy life is. And to be quite honest, I read and write all day that by the time I come home and finish my homework, that is the last thing I want to do. So I've put off writing a post. I've had numerous ideas of things I wanted to write about--from BYU students' inability to dress professionally to some crazy, socially awkward people in my program--but alas, I just could not bring myself to sit down and write it all out. So, you will get a brief update about what's been happening the last few months.
Last Semester
Kandace
-Started grad school at BYU
-Taught Writing 150 to 20 students
-Continued working as a scheduler for an online business
-Edited a 260 page book for Ed J. Pinegar
-Wrote 3 10ish page papers in a 2 week period
Jonathon
-Only took 14 credits, but had 3 labs = incredibly time consuming
-Built a mini chemical powered car
-Mastered candy crush (not really)
-Elders Quorum Instructor
Christmas Break
Kandace
-Quit the scheduling job
-Started Mansfield Park but sadly did not finish it before school started
Jonathon
-Played on his new Windows Surface 2 that his amazing, wonderful wife got him for Christmas
-Introduced to Downton Abbey and loves it :)
This Semester
Kandace
-Still plugging away at those classes
-Still teaching--only 11 students this time
-Applied for an Editorial Assistant position. Still waiting to hear. Keep your fingers crossed!
-New Primary pianist
-Not any closer to figuring out what to write for thesis
Jonathon
-Taking a humanities class because his wife made him so that he could enjoy the art and architecture when they go to Europe
-Got a job as a Chemistry TA
-Still Elders Quorum instructor--twice a month!
We are taking a New Testament class together this semester. It's been nice :) In spite of our busy schedules, we still make time to go out to eat and watch all our favorite TV shows. Perhaps in a few months, I will update again...or find the time to write something more substantial.
But until then.... HANG TIGHT!
Last Semester
Kandace
-Started grad school at BYU
-Taught Writing 150 to 20 students
-Continued working as a scheduler for an online business
-Edited a 260 page book for Ed J. Pinegar
-Wrote 3 10ish page papers in a 2 week period
Jonathon
-Only took 14 credits, but had 3 labs = incredibly time consuming
-Built a mini chemical powered car
-Mastered candy crush (not really)
-Elders Quorum Instructor
Christmas Break
Kandace
-Quit the scheduling job
-Started Mansfield Park but sadly did not finish it before school started
Jonathon
-Played on his new Windows Surface 2 that his amazing, wonderful wife got him for Christmas
-Introduced to Downton Abbey and loves it :)
This Semester
Kandace
-Still plugging away at those classes
-Still teaching--only 11 students this time
-Applied for an Editorial Assistant position. Still waiting to hear. Keep your fingers crossed!
-New Primary pianist
-Not any closer to figuring out what to write for thesis
Jonathon
-Taking a humanities class because his wife made him so that he could enjoy the art and architecture when they go to Europe
-Got a job as a Chemistry TA
-Still Elders Quorum instructor--twice a month!
We are taking a New Testament class together this semester. It's been nice :) In spite of our busy schedules, we still make time to go out to eat and watch all our favorite TV shows. Perhaps in a few months, I will update again...or find the time to write something more substantial.
But until then.... HANG TIGHT!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
So Blessed
Jonathon and I are both very adament about staying out of debt and we never want to go into debt if we can help it. The decision for me to go to graduate school this year was a difficult decision to make financially. Graduate education does not qualify for any kind of grants, and academic tuition scholarships aren't given out like they are at BYU-Idaho (which got me through my undergrad debt-free). However, Jonathon & I both felt like it was the right decision, so we decided to move forward with faith.
After the honeymoon, Jonathon had a very difficult time finding a job. We went 6 weeks before he found the current temp job he's at now. That was a very trying time for us emotionally. We were able to make ends meet just fine with my job, but we didn't have much left over to put into savings, and we knew once the school year started and I wasn't working full time, we would really be scrimping. On top of that, Jonathon felt bad because he wasn't doing anything productive to support us financially and he felt like he was failing in his duties as the provider and head of our family.
Thankfully, Jonathon was able to find a job! And the hours fit perfectly with our needs, due to only having one car. It hasn't been easy getting up at 5:30 every day and getting home a little before 5. It's actually been really tiring. But we can't complain too much :) Jonathon makes almost as much as I do, and we decided to put his paychecks straight into savings. The amount has almost doubled since we got married.
A couple weeks ago, I had a really hard time falling asleep because I just couldn't stop thinking about our finances. I knew we would make it through this school year just fine, but after that it was hard to tell. What if we weren't able to work next summer, or didn't make enough money, or didn't have enough money in savings to get through the next year? My mind kept going through all these different scenarios and worries.
Today I paid off my tuition balance. I received a scholarship from the English department that was bigger than I expected, so tuition wasn't as much. Jonathon has a full-tuition scholarship so we're good there. And he's getting a pell grant that will more than cover our housing needs. On top of that, my graduate instructorship position would cover my tuition and housing (if we didn't already have those other sources to provide). And my second job at scheduling provides enough to live off of.
As I balanced the checkbook and realized all of these added sources of income (scholarships, a grant, jobs), I was filled with an overwhelming gratitude. The Lord is watching out for us. He is aware of our needs and He is providing for them. We definitely have to be diligent in doing what we need to do (living the commandments, paying tithes and fast offerings, and living resourcefully/within our means), but He will take care of the rest. He will help us through. He knows the desires of our hearts, and if they are righteous desires, He is going to make them come to pass.
As a caveat, if you are struggling financially, I am not implying that you are not keeping the commandments or living your life the way God wants you to. Some people endure financial struggles when they are doing everything right. It's just a part of life. But God is still there and is still watching out for you. He blesses each of us in so many ways, and sometimes I loose sight of that.
I am so grateful for His hand in my life and where I have been led to up to this point. Everything is going to work out perfectly, like it always has. And for that, I feel so incredibly blessed.
After the honeymoon, Jonathon had a very difficult time finding a job. We went 6 weeks before he found the current temp job he's at now. That was a very trying time for us emotionally. We were able to make ends meet just fine with my job, but we didn't have much left over to put into savings, and we knew once the school year started and I wasn't working full time, we would really be scrimping. On top of that, Jonathon felt bad because he wasn't doing anything productive to support us financially and he felt like he was failing in his duties as the provider and head of our family.
Thankfully, Jonathon was able to find a job! And the hours fit perfectly with our needs, due to only having one car. It hasn't been easy getting up at 5:30 every day and getting home a little before 5. It's actually been really tiring. But we can't complain too much :) Jonathon makes almost as much as I do, and we decided to put his paychecks straight into savings. The amount has almost doubled since we got married.
A couple weeks ago, I had a really hard time falling asleep because I just couldn't stop thinking about our finances. I knew we would make it through this school year just fine, but after that it was hard to tell. What if we weren't able to work next summer, or didn't make enough money, or didn't have enough money in savings to get through the next year? My mind kept going through all these different scenarios and worries.
Today I paid off my tuition balance. I received a scholarship from the English department that was bigger than I expected, so tuition wasn't as much. Jonathon has a full-tuition scholarship so we're good there. And he's getting a pell grant that will more than cover our housing needs. On top of that, my graduate instructorship position would cover my tuition and housing (if we didn't already have those other sources to provide). And my second job at scheduling provides enough to live off of.
As I balanced the checkbook and realized all of these added sources of income (scholarships, a grant, jobs), I was filled with an overwhelming gratitude. The Lord is watching out for us. He is aware of our needs and He is providing for them. We definitely have to be diligent in doing what we need to do (living the commandments, paying tithes and fast offerings, and living resourcefully/within our means), but He will take care of the rest. He will help us through. He knows the desires of our hearts, and if they are righteous desires, He is going to make them come to pass.
As a caveat, if you are struggling financially, I am not implying that you are not keeping the commandments or living your life the way God wants you to. Some people endure financial struggles when they are doing everything right. It's just a part of life. But God is still there and is still watching out for you. He blesses each of us in so many ways, and sometimes I loose sight of that.
I am so grateful for His hand in my life and where I have been led to up to this point. Everything is going to work out perfectly, like it always has. And for that, I feel so incredibly blessed.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Life as Mrs. Wheelwright
I haven't even been married 3 months and my husband has already almost killed himself. Ok, not really. But he did shoot himself in the knee last week with a nail gun, and I've been walking around with Mr. Gimpy for the last few days ;) He's ok though. The doctor said the nail didn't hit bone, so we are grateful for that!
I thought the adjustment from Kandace Hansen to Kandace Wheelwright would be a very difficult change for me to deal with. I never practiced writing "Wheelwright" before I got married because I felt like it was blasphemy against the Hansen name. The days leading up to my marriage, I tried to persuade my dear fiancé to change his name to Hansen instead, for Jonathon Hansen sounds so much more appealing than Kandace Wheelwright. He refused it for some reason though...
The day we got married was weird. I was not a Wheelwright, I was just married to one! However, a week after being home from the honeymoon, Kandace Hansen seemed so foreign to me. Yet, Kandace Wheelwright didn't feel right either. I was in limbo land, going through the process of changing my name at a million different institutions.
Once the name was officially changed, it seemed a lot easier to accept myself as that person. I never struggled with signing my name, as some women seem to do. Writing "Wheelwright" in cursive at the bottom of my checks seems so natural now and fun to write. I really enjoy all the little swirls I get to do.
So, now that you've read that boring saga about my name change, let's move on to actual life as a married woman.
I work 7-3 Monday thru Friday, and Jonathon works 6-4:30 Monday thru Thursday. We only have one car, so we get up about 5:15 every morning, we take him to work, and then I go to my workplace and chill for about an hour before I start (I usually take a nap). After I get done with work, I chill at my work some more until it is time to pick Jonathon up. By the time we get home, we've already been up for 11.5 hours. That makes for a long day in and of itself and we are both usually ready to crash and relax. If not watching a movie, we can be found watching either Family Feud or Pawn Stars (though occasionally we'll watch something else on GSN). Before bedtime, we usually read a chapter of Harry Potter together, which has lead to many funny moments. For example:
Jonathon was going off on this big long tangent about why and how Ginny was so perfect for Harry Potter. I like to rock the boat a bit, so I asked some questions to which he retorted answers on Ginny's behalf. He was defensive and almost admirable of Ginny that I finally asked "Jonathon, do you love Ginny?" Emphatically, he answered, "NO! I love Harry Potter!" *Awkward pause* "Uh...the books, I mean. I love the books!" Uh huh. Nice recovery.
We are almost done with the second book. I can't wait to start the third!
Weekends are a bit more exciting than the week days. We usually go out to eat once a week along with some other activity. We've gone to Seven Peaks a couple times, a local production of The Sound of Music, mini-golfing and laser tag, and we're going to see The Scarlet Pimpernel this weekend. I'm so excited!! It's my favorite play, and after making Jonathon watch the movie, I think I've convinced him to love it almost as much as I do :)
I have also had quite the effect on Jonathon's wardrobe. Before he met me, he had 2 name-brand shirts, both from Aero. On Saturday we went shopping for shoes and jeans for Jonathon, and he realized that now all of his clothes are name-brand. Earlier this year, I introduced Jonathon to the wonder of AE jeans, and he fell in love. Well, in going to get more jeans, I convinced him to stop at AE before checking out JC Penney. We found a killer deal! All jeans were $30, which was amazing since they usually run from $44.95-49.95. That deal was so great, we had to get 2 pairs :) Jonathon has learned that name-brand clothes look 10x better and fit 100x better. I think he thanked me about 5 times that day for making him buy name-brand clothes and teaching him the art of shopping for them on clearance. He now has shirts from Aero, AE, Express, and Macy's, along with a very nice lamb-leather jacket. Jonathon has also learned that more expensive shoes last longer and are more comfortable. I almost feel guilty for introducing him to this new way of life, but dang! My man looks good! ;)
That's all for now. Sorry this post is so random, but this is what we've been up to since our return from the honeymoon.
I thought the adjustment from Kandace Hansen to Kandace Wheelwright would be a very difficult change for me to deal with. I never practiced writing "Wheelwright" before I got married because I felt like it was blasphemy against the Hansen name. The days leading up to my marriage, I tried to persuade my dear fiancé to change his name to Hansen instead, for Jonathon Hansen sounds so much more appealing than Kandace Wheelwright. He refused it for some reason though...
The day we got married was weird. I was not a Wheelwright, I was just married to one! However, a week after being home from the honeymoon, Kandace Hansen seemed so foreign to me. Yet, Kandace Wheelwright didn't feel right either. I was in limbo land, going through the process of changing my name at a million different institutions.
Once the name was officially changed, it seemed a lot easier to accept myself as that person. I never struggled with signing my name, as some women seem to do. Writing "Wheelwright" in cursive at the bottom of my checks seems so natural now and fun to write. I really enjoy all the little swirls I get to do.
So, now that you've read that boring saga about my name change, let's move on to actual life as a married woman.
I work 7-3 Monday thru Friday, and Jonathon works 6-4:30 Monday thru Thursday. We only have one car, so we get up about 5:15 every morning, we take him to work, and then I go to my workplace and chill for about an hour before I start (I usually take a nap). After I get done with work, I chill at my work some more until it is time to pick Jonathon up. By the time we get home, we've already been up for 11.5 hours. That makes for a long day in and of itself and we are both usually ready to crash and relax. If not watching a movie, we can be found watching either Family Feud or Pawn Stars (though occasionally we'll watch something else on GSN). Before bedtime, we usually read a chapter of Harry Potter together, which has lead to many funny moments. For example:
Jonathon was going off on this big long tangent about why and how Ginny was so perfect for Harry Potter. I like to rock the boat a bit, so I asked some questions to which he retorted answers on Ginny's behalf. He was defensive and almost admirable of Ginny that I finally asked "Jonathon, do you love Ginny?" Emphatically, he answered, "NO! I love Harry Potter!" *Awkward pause* "Uh...the books, I mean. I love the books!" Uh huh. Nice recovery.
We are almost done with the second book. I can't wait to start the third!
Weekends are a bit more exciting than the week days. We usually go out to eat once a week along with some other activity. We've gone to Seven Peaks a couple times, a local production of The Sound of Music, mini-golfing and laser tag, and we're going to see The Scarlet Pimpernel this weekend. I'm so excited!! It's my favorite play, and after making Jonathon watch the movie, I think I've convinced him to love it almost as much as I do :)
I have also had quite the effect on Jonathon's wardrobe. Before he met me, he had 2 name-brand shirts, both from Aero. On Saturday we went shopping for shoes and jeans for Jonathon, and he realized that now all of his clothes are name-brand. Earlier this year, I introduced Jonathon to the wonder of AE jeans, and he fell in love. Well, in going to get more jeans, I convinced him to stop at AE before checking out JC Penney. We found a killer deal! All jeans were $30, which was amazing since they usually run from $44.95-49.95. That deal was so great, we had to get 2 pairs :) Jonathon has learned that name-brand clothes look 10x better and fit 100x better. I think he thanked me about 5 times that day for making him buy name-brand clothes and teaching him the art of shopping for them on clearance. He now has shirts from Aero, AE, Express, and Macy's, along with a very nice lamb-leather jacket. Jonathon has also learned that more expensive shoes last longer and are more comfortable. I almost feel guilty for introducing him to this new way of life, but dang! My man looks good! ;)
That's all for now. Sorry this post is so random, but this is what we've been up to since our return from the honeymoon.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
You Don't Have to Be Friends
I suppose it's about time I return to the blogging world. I've thought about posting about my wedding/honeymoon, but I don't think anyone really cares expect for Jonathon and me, so I won't bother with it.
This is a topic that's been on my mind for quite some time. If it offends you, I'm sorry. That's life.
I think a majority of people have this compulsive need to please everybody, or at least be on good terms with the people they come in contact with in their lives. I used to be in denial about this, and I thought I couldn't care less about what people thought of me. And then I got married.
You see, in high school I went through a string of "best friends." From my sophomore year on, I had a group of friends, but no one who I really felt connected to, or who I thought really cared about me. I tried to please my group of friends, but I wasn't about to change who I was in order to conform to their tastes on how a "best friend" should act. For those who know me, I tell it to you straight up, exactly how I see it. I don't "fluff" you up unless I think you really deserve it. I'm not FAKE. And I think that rubbed some people the wrong way.
I always thought something was wrong with me because no one seemed to genuinely like me, or treat me in the way that I thought friends should like and treat each other. I'm not going to go into all the details, because then this will seem to turn into a bitter tangent...which it's not :)
Then this beautiful thing happened. I went to college. I made true friends, the friends I dreamed of having my entire life. I couldn't be happier! Suddenly, I didn't feel alone anymore. I pretty much dropped those high school friends like a ton of bricks, but I still went to most of the activities they invited me to.
Fast forward a few years. I've been graduated from college for almost 2 years. I get married. EVERY SINGLE college friend I invited to my wedding came to my reception (except for the ones that physically couldn't due to missions/living in other states/etc, and even friends in different states came.) Yet not one of my high school group of friends came.
That's ok. I'm fine if they couldn't make it or whatever. But not even one of them wished me congratulations or showed me support in the least bit. I'd be lying if I said that didn't upset me at all. I expected some not to show up or care, but others I thought we still had a thread of friendship left.
As a side note, I did have one high school friend not in that group of people who, even though we haven't spoken in 4 years (because she got married and our lives diverged), came to my bridal shower AND reception. Shout out to Whitney for her awesomeness :)
So you are probably wondering, Kandace, what is the point of this tangent? Don't worry, I am getting there.
About a month after I got married, I got a phone call asking if I would be home for the weekend and inviting me to play ultimate frisbee with that group of people from high school.
Oh, I see. You only want to be friends with me when it's convenient for you. You can't come to my wedding or to any events I invite you to, but when you want numbers for caroling or games, you call me up. Yeah, that's cool.
So, after that phone call and many frustration vents to my husband, all that guilt I'd been having over the years at trying to be friends with these people but not really succeeding dissipated. I finally realized, I DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU! Yes, I need to treat you with courtesy, respect, and kindness, but we don't have to be friends. I don't have to go to anymore activities. I don't have to feel obligated to make a special effort. Because you know what? True friends reciprocate. And that's how it should be.
I also got thinking about this at work. I absolutely LOVE all the girls I work with. But for one reason or another, we just don't click the same way I do with Allison or Cherise or Whitney or Krista or whoever. And that's ok! I don't have to be BFF's with everybody. And neither do you.
Christ teaches us to love everyone and treat them accordingly. But it's ok to cut some people off when they abuse a relationship or are unhealthy for you. Friendship is a two-way street and requires effort on both parts, not just when it's convenient.
Finally, I feel free :)
Wish I'd realized this a few years ago.
This is a topic that's been on my mind for quite some time. If it offends you, I'm sorry. That's life.
I think a majority of people have this compulsive need to please everybody, or at least be on good terms with the people they come in contact with in their lives. I used to be in denial about this, and I thought I couldn't care less about what people thought of me. And then I got married.
You see, in high school I went through a string of "best friends." From my sophomore year on, I had a group of friends, but no one who I really felt connected to, or who I thought really cared about me. I tried to please my group of friends, but I wasn't about to change who I was in order to conform to their tastes on how a "best friend" should act. For those who know me, I tell it to you straight up, exactly how I see it. I don't "fluff" you up unless I think you really deserve it. I'm not FAKE. And I think that rubbed some people the wrong way.
I always thought something was wrong with me because no one seemed to genuinely like me, or treat me in the way that I thought friends should like and treat each other. I'm not going to go into all the details, because then this will seem to turn into a bitter tangent...which it's not :)
Then this beautiful thing happened. I went to college. I made true friends, the friends I dreamed of having my entire life. I couldn't be happier! Suddenly, I didn't feel alone anymore. I pretty much dropped those high school friends like a ton of bricks, but I still went to most of the activities they invited me to.
Fast forward a few years. I've been graduated from college for almost 2 years. I get married. EVERY SINGLE college friend I invited to my wedding came to my reception (except for the ones that physically couldn't due to missions/living in other states/etc, and even friends in different states came.) Yet not one of my high school group of friends came.
That's ok. I'm fine if they couldn't make it or whatever. But not even one of them wished me congratulations or showed me support in the least bit. I'd be lying if I said that didn't upset me at all. I expected some not to show up or care, but others I thought we still had a thread of friendship left.
As a side note, I did have one high school friend not in that group of people who, even though we haven't spoken in 4 years (because she got married and our lives diverged), came to my bridal shower AND reception. Shout out to Whitney for her awesomeness :)
So you are probably wondering, Kandace, what is the point of this tangent? Don't worry, I am getting there.
About a month after I got married, I got a phone call asking if I would be home for the weekend and inviting me to play ultimate frisbee with that group of people from high school.
Oh, I see. You only want to be friends with me when it's convenient for you. You can't come to my wedding or to any events I invite you to, but when you want numbers for caroling or games, you call me up. Yeah, that's cool.
So, after that phone call and many frustration vents to my husband, all that guilt I'd been having over the years at trying to be friends with these people but not really succeeding dissipated. I finally realized, I DON'T HAVE TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU! Yes, I need to treat you with courtesy, respect, and kindness, but we don't have to be friends. I don't have to go to anymore activities. I don't have to feel obligated to make a special effort. Because you know what? True friends reciprocate. And that's how it should be.
I also got thinking about this at work. I absolutely LOVE all the girls I work with. But for one reason or another, we just don't click the same way I do with Allison or Cherise or Whitney or Krista or whoever. And that's ok! I don't have to be BFF's with everybody. And neither do you.
Christ teaches us to love everyone and treat them accordingly. But it's ok to cut some people off when they abuse a relationship or are unhealthy for you. Friendship is a two-way street and requires effort on both parts, not just when it's convenient.
Finally, I feel free :)
Wish I'd realized this a few years ago.
Thursday, April 18, 2013
He Knows Best
If you asked me a year ago where I thought I would be in a year, the answer would not even come close to resembling what my life is really like.
A year ago, I thought I was heading off to Utah State to tackle my first year of graduate school. I thought I would immerse myself in the field of social activities, and if I was really lucky, I might manage to hold down a guy for a few months. My career was my focus and I was fully prepared for the challenges that awaited me in Logan. But God had something else in store for my life.
This post isn't meant to brag about how wonderful or amazing my life is. Rather, it's my mere amazement at the fact that God really does care and watch over us, and His plan for us is much, much greater than the one we could ever create for ourselves.
I started to see the plan unfold last June. By that time, Jonathon and I knew each and we'd gone on a couple of dates, but nothing serious. We were just really good friends. However, I had a heck of a time trying to find housing in Logan. It seemed like every time I came close to finding a good place to live, it fell through. Finally, the thought came that maybe I wasn't supposed to move to Logan. Being the stubborn person that I am, I brushed it aside and continued on my search.
Two days after finding housing and amazing roommates in Logan, I made the decision not to attend Utah State. If you remember my earlier post, that was probably the hardest decision I ever made up to this point in my life. I felt like I lost my long sought-after dream, and I didn't know why. But I decided to move forward and not look back with thoughts of regret. And I didn't.
Within a couple of days of searching for housing in Provo, I found multiple places that would have worked well. The one I chose ended up being 1.5 blocks from Jonathon. I know that wasn't a coincidence.
I moved to Provo scared and with no idea what I was going to do with my life. I planned another attempt at BYU's program, but this time I wasn't so confident in my abilities and doubted I'd get accepted. But I worked as hard as I could regardless. And it came with many, many challenges. The prerequisite I took was harder than any other class I've ever taken in my life. It was a miracle I got an A!
It took me about a month in Utah before I found a job. The move to Provo and the tuition for my pre-req class at BYU pretty much sapped up all of my savings, so I was getting desperate to find ANY job. As I was driving home one day from an interview, I remember feeling an incredible peace that I had made the right decision. I felt so blessed because 3 of my siblings were within a 10 minute drive from my apartment. Although the move to Provo created a lot of fear and loneliness, I felt so lucky to be so close to my family. It was one of the main reasons I wanted to attend BYU in the first place.
After many fruitless jobs interviews and frustrating days, I found the perfect job! All the jobs I had previously applied for were part-time positions because my class fell at an odd time of the day that wasn't conducive to most full-time business hours. However, the job I ended up getting was full-time AND incredibly flexible with my schedule! It also paid better than any of the other jobs I applied for. It was a perfect fit, and the month of frustration was well worth the wait! I knew God was watching over me, and by getting that job, he allowed me to get more than I was expecting.
In December, I got engaged to my best friend. I've already talked loads about that, but I seriously never thought I would get engaged that early. It was most definitely unexpected! And then the end of February I received the exciting news that I had been accepted to BYU!! I was so shocked. I didn't think I'd get in.
So, all of these things separately don't add up to much, but when you put them together, you can see how the Lord has gently guided my life to a place more spectacular and magnificent than I ever thought possible! If I would have had been stubborn and not accepted the Lord's hand in trying to guide me on the path He wanted for me, I would be in Logan doing who knows what. But instead, I get ALL of my dreams. I get to attend BYU (which I really, really wanted). I get to live close to my family. And I get to marry my best friend in 3 short weeks.
I am SO blessed and SO grateful for Lord's guidance in my life. This past year has been a HUGE testimony that He cares! He loves us. He knows what He's doing. So we just need to have faith. Have faith and be patient, and everything will work out. It doesn't always work out how we want. But in the end, it works out so much sweeter than we ever could have imagined. And for that, I am grateful :)
A year ago, I thought I was heading off to Utah State to tackle my first year of graduate school. I thought I would immerse myself in the field of social activities, and if I was really lucky, I might manage to hold down a guy for a few months. My career was my focus and I was fully prepared for the challenges that awaited me in Logan. But God had something else in store for my life.
This post isn't meant to brag about how wonderful or amazing my life is. Rather, it's my mere amazement at the fact that God really does care and watch over us, and His plan for us is much, much greater than the one we could ever create for ourselves.
I started to see the plan unfold last June. By that time, Jonathon and I knew each and we'd gone on a couple of dates, but nothing serious. We were just really good friends. However, I had a heck of a time trying to find housing in Logan. It seemed like every time I came close to finding a good place to live, it fell through. Finally, the thought came that maybe I wasn't supposed to move to Logan. Being the stubborn person that I am, I brushed it aside and continued on my search.
Two days after finding housing and amazing roommates in Logan, I made the decision not to attend Utah State. If you remember my earlier post, that was probably the hardest decision I ever made up to this point in my life. I felt like I lost my long sought-after dream, and I didn't know why. But I decided to move forward and not look back with thoughts of regret. And I didn't.
Within a couple of days of searching for housing in Provo, I found multiple places that would have worked well. The one I chose ended up being 1.5 blocks from Jonathon. I know that wasn't a coincidence.
I moved to Provo scared and with no idea what I was going to do with my life. I planned another attempt at BYU's program, but this time I wasn't so confident in my abilities and doubted I'd get accepted. But I worked as hard as I could regardless. And it came with many, many challenges. The prerequisite I took was harder than any other class I've ever taken in my life. It was a miracle I got an A!
It took me about a month in Utah before I found a job. The move to Provo and the tuition for my pre-req class at BYU pretty much sapped up all of my savings, so I was getting desperate to find ANY job. As I was driving home one day from an interview, I remember feeling an incredible peace that I had made the right decision. I felt so blessed because 3 of my siblings were within a 10 minute drive from my apartment. Although the move to Provo created a lot of fear and loneliness, I felt so lucky to be so close to my family. It was one of the main reasons I wanted to attend BYU in the first place.
After many fruitless jobs interviews and frustrating days, I found the perfect job! All the jobs I had previously applied for were part-time positions because my class fell at an odd time of the day that wasn't conducive to most full-time business hours. However, the job I ended up getting was full-time AND incredibly flexible with my schedule! It also paid better than any of the other jobs I applied for. It was a perfect fit, and the month of frustration was well worth the wait! I knew God was watching over me, and by getting that job, he allowed me to get more than I was expecting.
In December, I got engaged to my best friend. I've already talked loads about that, but I seriously never thought I would get engaged that early. It was most definitely unexpected! And then the end of February I received the exciting news that I had been accepted to BYU!! I was so shocked. I didn't think I'd get in.
So, all of these things separately don't add up to much, but when you put them together, you can see how the Lord has gently guided my life to a place more spectacular and magnificent than I ever thought possible! If I would have had been stubborn and not accepted the Lord's hand in trying to guide me on the path He wanted for me, I would be in Logan doing who knows what. But instead, I get ALL of my dreams. I get to attend BYU (which I really, really wanted). I get to live close to my family. And I get to marry my best friend in 3 short weeks.
I am SO blessed and SO grateful for Lord's guidance in my life. This past year has been a HUGE testimony that He cares! He loves us. He knows what He's doing. So we just need to have faith. Have faith and be patient, and everything will work out. It doesn't always work out how we want. But in the end, it works out so much sweeter than we ever could have imagined. And for that, I am grateful :)
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